Thursday, September 3, 2009
Yesterday, I saw my son onto his train. He is now safely, happily ensconced in Little dorm at Dartmouth College, where he will begin his sophomore year...as well as his first as an Undergraduate Advisor. At present, I find myself seated in the waiting area of the Westfield Mall Sears, watching the fashion show put on by my daughters, preparing myself mentally and psychologically for their departure for Exeter (ironically on my birthday) in a week.
Still do I avoid actual writing--like the bubonic plague, in fact. Disillusionment (?)...perhaps lack of inspiration, and maybe plain fatigue have literally drained the desire from me; nevertheless, I am resolved not to fly into a full-fledged, heart-stopping panic. Photography stands in the interim as my diversion of choice as I prepare to move to Colorado Springs--
(Brief pause. Ondrelique just emerged from the fitting room wearing an electric green jacket!!!!! Shocking.)
I often wonder if I will ever write again. After years of "fighting the good fight," I now find myself thinking maybe I was never meant to do this in the first place...what if I never possessed any talent...what if I have been deluding myself all these years...? Even so, as I rifle through my deepest thoughts and inclinations, there is nothing I would rather do, nothing else that I can envision myself doing with my life.
Time will tell.
In the mean time, I'm just hoping to survive the Mall!